State of Grace
by Carstairsy
Summary: They always leave his door cracked, they're both terrified something will happen to him. **Continuation of my other fic All it Took
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a continuation of my story All it Took, but reading it isn't necessary. James is Steve and Nat's son. Taylor is Tony and Pepper's daughter. Then Clint has a daughter named Ellie.**

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><p>They decided on a private wedding, on a beach in California, Tony had offered one of his beach houses. There wasn't a wedding party since there were so little guest, but Taylor still insisted on being the flower girl. Natasha had taken Steve's last name because she know how much it ment to him, even if he wouldn't admit it, but kept her own last name for business. When the reception was over Steve and Natasha said a quick goodbye to James and snuck out before Tony could make a comment about them leaving so soon.<p>

Natasha closed the door behind her with a sigh of relief. She reached behind her dress to unzip it without much luck. Steve placed his hands on her hips, "need some help?" He whispered into her ear.

She breathed out a laugh, "that would be nice." The dress fell to her feet and she tiptoed out of it. "I'm taking one of your shirts," she called as she walked to the bedroom.

He shucked off his coat. "I packed extra for you," he called back.

She poked her head out the door, "I knew there was a reason I married you."

Natasha emerged from the bathroom, clad in Steve's shirt, wiping off the last of her makeup. She grabbed Steve's arm and pulled him down to the couch with her. He brushed the hair out of her face, "do you remember a few months ago when you said you wanted more kids?"

She pulled him closer, "after we we're married."

"We're married now."

She looked up at him to see his eyes filled with hope. She sighed, "not right after we're married. Don't you want to wait?"

"I've been waiting for years, Nat." His voice was calm and his hands that were wound through her hair were gentle.

She opened her mouth to reply but her phone ringing cut her off. "It's probably Pepper," she pressed a kiss on his cheek as she stood up. She retrieved her phone from the table, and saw that Pepper had sent her a picture of James and Taylor asleep together on the couch.

Natasha padded back to the couch, phone in hand, and laid down in her previous spot with her head on Steve's chest. He ran his hands through her hair, "everything alright?"

"Yeah," she handed him the phone, "look what Pepper sent me."

He took the phone from her and chuckled. A few moments passed before Natasha spoke up, "yes."

"What?"

"Yes, I want more kids."

He lifted her chin up to look her in the eyes, "now?"

She smiled "now."

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><p>When Steve got home three months later the first thing he saw was an empty apartment. "Nat?" There wasn't a reply but he noticed the bathroom door wide open. He slowly stepped in, "Natasha, you okay?"<p>

She was on the floor next to the toilet with her head resting against the wall, "I hate you."

"What are you-" Steve stopped he saw the pregnancy test on the counter. The positive pregnancy test. His eyebrows rose, "you're pregnant?"

"Yes." A smile blossomed on his face and he crossed the room in two long strides. He pulled her into his arms and peppered her face in kisses. "I feel like hell and it's your fault," she grumbled.

Steve pressed one last kiss on her nose before he pulled away. "It's worth it though, right?" His hand moved to her cheek, she covered his hand with her own, and leaned into his touch.

"Yes, yes it is."


	2. Chapter 2

James' eyes flicked between his parents, who were crouched in front of him. They interrupted his Lego building to talk to him. "So the babies in there?" He pointed to Natasha's stomach. It was hard to explain to James since Natasha wasn't showing yet.

"Yes," Steve said slowly, there weren't sure how James would react. So far not too badly, but that could change any moment. They chose their words wisely, and hoped to God that he wouldn't ask where babies come from.

James raised an eyebrow -Steve had to stifle a laugh, he always that it was funny that he inherited that from Natasha- and stared at Natasha's stomach before shrugging and turning back to his legos.

Natasha touched his shoulder, "you're okay with all this?"

James just stared at the Lego skyscraper he was building. "I like it when it's just us."

Steve leaned in and whispered something to James. Natasha couldn't hear a word and watched with raised eyebrows.

James shrugged again, "I guess a little sister would be okay."

"Are you okay now?" Steve asked. James nodded his head, and Steve pulled him in for hug, causing James' laughs to fill the room.

"I'll take that as a yes," Steve said. He winked at Natasha from over James' shoulder, she rolled her eyes but smiled. She honestly didn't know what she'd do without him.

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><p>Natasha started to remember how much she hated not being able to go on missions. It made her feel antsy, and she'd pace around the room trying to think of something to do. That and the anxiety that always came when Steve was on a mission combined was just plain hell for her.<p>

She had just finished rearranging the pillows for the third time when she decided to check up on James. When she cracked open the door to his bedroom instead of the usual site of James spread across the bed with the blankets and pillows everywhere, he was curled up and wide awake.

Natasha crouched down next to his bed, and carded her fingers through his hair. "Can't sleep?" He nodded his head, "want me to stay with you?" James scooted to make room for Natasha.

"Want me to read you a book?"

"I like dad's stories." Steve had told him endless tales of him and Bucky. Steve wanted James to know more about who he was named after. James absolutely loved the stories, and Steve unofficially became the story teller. Natasha didn't really have any stories to tell, because she sure as hell won't tell her child about her childhood in the red room.

"He's not home yet," James burrowed into his blanket. "But I think I have one," she reassured him.

James poked his head out of the blanket, "really?"

Natasha smiled down at him, "really."

She told him stories of the Avengers, and was relieved to see his eyes closing. When she finished she heard a light knock on the door. She looked up to see Steve, in his Captain America suit, standing in the doorway. Natasha smiled at him as he stepped into the room, and slowly slipped out of the bed. Steve fixed the pillows and tucked James in, and Natasha leaned down to press a kiss on James' head.

Steve guided Natasha to their bedroom, and flicked off all the lights Natasha had left on. "Did you change the pillows?"

"No, why would I do that?"

When Steve walked through the door, he went straight to the bed and sat on the edge. He lowered his head into his hands, so Natasha couldn't see his face.

She stood in front of him and he wordlessly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. He leaned his head onto her stomach and she ran her fingers through his hair, it was caked with mud, but she didn't care. It was silent, which was odd. When ever he came back from a mission he'd smile that smile that always gave her tingles, and hold her tight to him while he kissed her.

Natasha bent down to kiss the top of his head, "are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to guess?" His hand tightened around her shirt. "Ya know, a wise patriotic man with a great ass once told me, you'll feel better if you talk about it."

Silence.

"It's you."

Silence.

"You have a really great ass."

She was relieved when she heard his chuckle. He looked up at her, she didn't notice the dark circles under his eyes in James' room, it was too dark, but she could see them now. He smiled a sheepish smile, "so I've been told."

She cupped his cheek, and he closed his eyes while he leaned into her touch. "better only hear that from me."

"Well Darcy-"

"Unless you want Darcy dead by the morning, you'll stop talking. She felt his breathy laugh on her palm before he kissed it. "What can I do to help?"

"This is helping," he covered her hand with his own, "a lot."

He opened his eyes when she moved her other hand to his face. She traced his lips with the pads of her fingers, and they came back bloody from his split lip. "Sorry," he rose from the bed, "I'm taking a shower."

"Good, I need a shower just looking at you."

"There's room for two in there," he called over his shoulder.

She threw a pillow at him, "go take a shower, Rogers."

"Yes, ma'am."

Steve watched as blood and mud swirled into the water and down the drain. He was leaning against the shower wall, too exhausted to move. Natasha throwing back the shower curtain startled him. "Where's all your shirts?"

"Jesus, Nat!"

Natasha rolled her eyes, "so modest. You act like I've never seen you naked before." She looked at his face, his eyes weren't as bright as they usually were. Her features and voice softened, "you're still not okay."

"I'm fine. But I am cold, close the curtain."

"fine," she shimmied out her jeans and pulled her shirt over her head. She closed the shower curtain behind her as she stepped into the shower. "All you said was close the curtain, you never said anything about me leaving." She snaked her arms around his hips and buried her face between his shoulder blades.

He entwined their fingers, "I don't want you to."

She stood on her toes to press a kiss on his neck, "good."

She reached in front of him to grab the shampoo. "You still have mud in your hair," she said as poured the shampoo onto her hand. "You got to lean down, you're too tall."

He knelt down in front of her and her fingers threaded through his hair. "I think you're too short- ow, Nat!"

"I'm sorry," a small smirk played on her lips, "did I pull your hair?"

He gave her an unamused look before standing up to rinse his hair. "Hey, I didn't get a kiss when you got home."

He grasped her hips and pulled her to him, and fit his lips to hers. He held her close, and kissed her long and gently. When he pulled away he held her to him until the water ran cold.

When they got dressed Steve handed her a shirt, "third drawer." He laughed at her unamused look and stole a quick kiss. She slipped on the shirt, and burrowed under the covers. "You're such a blanket hog," Steve said as he climbed into the bed.

They laid side by side next to each other. Natasha reached out and brushed her hand against Steve's cheek, "tell me what happened, Steve."

"They found leads on Bucky again."

"Didn't those stop years ago?"

"Yes, Fury made me give up on finding him," Steve said bitterly, "said I was wasting my time."

"When Fury says that to me I usually ignore him," she rubbed small circles on his cheek with her thumb.

He grasped her hand and held it between both of his. Steve let out a breathy laugh, "I don't know what to do."

"This is good news, Steve, you can find him again."

"If the it was the other way around, he would've found me by now."

"I know how the red room makes you think, how it teaches you to manipulate people," Steve opened his mouth to say something, but she pressed on, "the reason the leads stopped was because he didn't want to be found. They're starting up again because he wants to be found, even if he doesn't know it yet. He's being less careful without realizing it, making it easier to track him down."

Steve just nodded his head, and stared at their hands. "You'll find him, okay?" She reached up and gave him a kiss, "get some sleep."

He pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair. She thought he was asleep until he spoke up, "I love you."

"I love you too."

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you all for your favorites, follows and lovely reviews! I'm hoping to put another chapter up of either this fic or my other one this weekend. Or both if I have time. <strong>

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel, if I owned Marvel there would be like ten black widow movies out by now. **


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha isn't exactly the best person to share a bed with. She's a blanket hog, and she sleeps in the middle of the bed. But Steve still climbs into bed with her with a smile on his face, and kisses her every morning when she wakes up. Well if she's awake, she prefers to sleep in- unlike Steve. So it was odd when she woke up before him.

The sheets were pooled at his waist, and he was lying on his stomach. Natasha reached out and brushed the hair out of his face. The dark circles under his eyes were still present, he's been searching for Bucky for two weeks with no avail. Her hands went to his bare back and started tracing shapes with her fingertips. He shifted slightly, and Natasha's hand stilled. When he stayed asleep she pulled her hand back, and tried to get back to sleep herself.

Steve's hand shot out to pull her to his chest. "Thought you were asleep," she said.

He buried his face into her neck, "nope."

She poked his chest, "you should go back to sleep."

His arms tightened around her, "don't want to."

"You're worse than James," she rolled her eyes.

He looked up at her, and she had to stifle a laugh. "What?"

"Nothing," she said before laughing again. His hair was sticking up, and his eyes were puffy. "I just never really seen you when you first wake up, you're always up before me." She grabbed her phone off the nightstand, and took a picture of him. "This one is going to Coulson."

He grabbed the phone from her hands, "I look like how you usually look in the mornings."

She took the phone back, "what's that suppose to mean?"

"It means that you aren't a morning person."

"Put a shirt on, Rogers."

"You took all of them."

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><p>"Easy!" Clint yelled at Thor. Thor was holding Ellie, and Clint isn't really comfortable with a God holding his daughter. Especially when said god starts tossing her in the air.<p>

"I'm guessing Thor is holding her again?" Bruce said while walking into the common room. He looked up from his tablet to see Thor and Ellie laughing, and Clint's eye twitching. "You're twitching, Clint."

"I think it's time I take her," Clint said, and took Ellie from Thor.

"You should have seen him with James," Bruce said, "Natasha almost killed him. It's probably going to be worse with the second kid."

"Red is pregnant?" Tony called from the couch.

"You didn't know?" Clint asked.

"No," Tony's eyes widened, "Pepper is gonna kill me."

"Why?"

"She's been wanting another kid for almost a year."

"Mrs. Stark has entered the building," Jarvis echoed around them.

"Oh no," Tony said before jumping over the couch, and running to the elevator

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><p>Tony had managed to avoid Pepper all day, and when he closed the door behind him she was sitting on the couch with her arms and legs crossed. "Haven't seen you all day."<p>

Tony held onto the door knob and contemplated about running out. "I've been busy." He shrugged.

"I've been looking for you all day. Natasha is pregnant again."

"So I've heard."

"I didn't even know they were trying for another one," her lips pressed into a tight line.

"Where's Taylor?" Tony asked, trying to change the subject.

"Asleep."

"I think Bruce needs me in the lab," Tony turned around, and opened the door.

"Tony, sit down." Tony sat across from her. "If you don't want another kid, just tell me. Don't get my hopes up."

Tony moved to the spot next to her, and held her hand between both of his. "Of course I want more kids," a small smile appeared on Pepper's lips, "just not right now."

Her smile faded, "you've been saying that for a year."

"We just had Taylor-"

She pulled her hand back, "she's five, Tony."

"I don't understand why you want more kids!"

She rose from the couch. "I don't understand why you're such an ass!"

They stopped when a door opened behind them, Taylor was standing in the doorway of her room. Tony stopped yelling, "just give me time to think."

"You can think about it while you sleep on the couch," Pepper whispered before going to Taylor.

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><p>Steve was lying in bed with his arm slung across his stomach, and Natasha crawled across the bed and gave him a quick kiss before settling against him. "Pepper and Tony are fighting," she said.<p>

"I know, I heard them." Steve said as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Pepper really wants another kid."

"Tony will come around," he said as his hand ran up and down her back.

It was silent for awhile. "What time are you leaving in the morning?"

"I'm not."

She looked up at him, "you're not?"

"I've barely been home," he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "I have a family, I can't look for him for months on end."

"Doesn't mean you can't still look for him," she said.

"I know, I just still want to make time for you and James. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"I have an appointment in the morning, we should sleep."

"Alright," he flicked off the light, and they fell asleep with his arms around her and her head on his chest.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry for the late update! The only excuse I have is that I started a new fic. Anyway, thanks for reading!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

When Steve pushed open the door to the retirement home he was greeted with a smile by the usual nurse. She was young and always had a faint blush whenever she talked to him. "Evening, Mr. Rogers."

Steve tipped his head, "ma'am."

"She should be awake."

"Thank you."

Before Steve could walk through the hallway a hand stopped him. "She's a little... Off today," the nurse said, her usual pink cheeks gone.

"It will be fine, I'll leave earlier if I have to," Steve assured her. She nodded her head and let him pass.

Steve has gotten use to the normal response to seeing Peggy. Sometimes she'd just stare at him in shock, but mostly she just cries. It breaks Steve's heart to see it, but he sits by the bed and holds her hand until her tears are gone.

Peggy once told him that she regretted that he never got to live his life, so he's made it a habit of sorts to tell her about Natasha and James. Even if he has to tell her the same thing everytime, he talks to her when things get a little too rough. Like when Natasha doubts herself and he has to give her some time for herself for a few hours. That hasn't happened in years, but Steve still visits Peggy frequently.

He goes through the usual things he tells her, and she ask some of her usual questions. Like, James? After Barnes? Or she'd make a comment about how many women Natasha had tried to set him up with. Even though all this is new to Peggy, Steve had memorized it all.

Steve, knowing he won't have much time left, dismissed himself. "Goodbye, Steve. Promise you'll see me again."

"I promise-" a fit of coughing cut him off. He grabbed the glass of water on the bedside table, and handed it to her.

"Steve?" Peggy asked, "Is that you?"

Steve's lips pressed into a hard line, "Yes, it's me. I'm right here, Peggy."

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><p>Steve could hear the sound of talking and laughter before even opening the door. It brings a smile to his face, it's hard to believe that just a few years ago it was always silent. When he opened the door James and Taylor shouted a quick greeting before turning back to their board game. "Hey, soldier," Natasha called from the couch.<p>

He chuckled as he walked to her. "Scoot over, you're taking up the entire couch."

She stretched out more, "I'm your pregnant wife, I have the right to take the entire couch."

He rolled his eyes but he was still smiling. He picked her up and sat on the couch, laying her against him. "Tony took Pepper out tonight," she lowered her voice, "he's trying to get on her good side."

Steve checked to see if Taylor was listening. She wasn't, she was standing on the coffee table with her arms out and her chin up, which is what usually happens whenever she wins. Yeah, she's defiantly Tony Stark's daughter. Steve turned his attention back to Natasha, "they're still fighting?"

"Not so much anymore, but Pepper is still pissed," Natasha whispered.

"She just needs to be patient, it takes time for a decision that big."

Natasha laughed, "didn't take you long, you've been wanting more kids since James was born."

"Dad, we need another player," James called from the floor, interrupting their conversation, "please," he added.

"That's just me," Steve said, rising from the couch. "And it took some time but you came along." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting on the floor with James and Taylor.

For the next hour or so, Natasha watched Steve play Monopoly with them. How he let both of them win, or when he stopped Taylor from jumping onto the table or stacking the houses to make a miniature Stark tower.

Eventually Natasha slid down onto the floor to join them, and Steve shot her a smile before James accidentally knocked the board over, making all the plastic houses hit Steve. After the game was fixed they played for another ten minutes before Taylor and James declared that they were bored. Which, coincidently, is the same time that Tony flung open the door and slumped onto the couch, Pepper in tow.

"Thanks for watching her," Pepper said.

"No problem," Steve said, rising from the floor and stretching.

"Bye, Aunt Red and Uncle Spangles," Taylor said.

"Taylor!"

"What? Dad says it." Tony's eyes widened, and he shook his head.

Pepper sighed, and they all said their goodbyes. Pepper and Tony seemed less tense around each other, Steve didn't know if it was because they were in front of Taylor or because they stopped fighting. Either way, it was a good sign.

"It's your bedtime," Steve said, throwing James over his shoulder.

"Careful, Steve," Natasha chided as James' laughs filled the room.

"He's fine," Steve said, "but it is your bedtime."

"Can I stay up?" James asked as Steve set him down.

"Sorry, James, but just like your mother, you're not a morning person," Steve said.

"Hey!" Natasha called from the kitchen.

"Well it's true," Steve called back. He turned his attention to James, "c'mon, I'll tell you a story."

It's hard to fit both James and Steve on the twin size bed, but they both manage. Even if Steve has to squeeze into the corner. "Have I ever told you about when Bucky and I got kicked out of the movie theater?"

"No."

Steve chuckled, "this is a good one." With that he began his story, leaving out certain parts, like he always does.

Natasha slipped through the door around the middle of the story. She was silent as she pulled the desk chair to the side of the bed, but she slipped her hand into Steve's. Her free hand carded through James' hair as she listened.

James' eyes startes to close before Steve even finished the story. (Just at the good part when Steve almost broke the projector). So Steve slipped out of the bed, careful not to make the matress dip too much. "Good night, James," Natasha whispered as she kissed his forehead, and rose from the chair.

They always leave his door cracked, they're both terrified something will happen to him. Even though it's unlikely, it's comforting to know he's safe.

Steve walked to the record player with a small smile playing on his lips. Soon, soft music crackled throughout the room. "May I have this dance?" Steve said, extending his hand out to Natasha.

"You're such a dork sometimes," she said, but she still took his hand.

"Yes, but I'm your dork," he held up his hand, and flashed her his wedding ring.

He pulled her to his chest tightly and set his free hand on her hip as she laughed softly. They danced in silence with her head on his shoulder for a few songs, until Steve spoke. "Do you ever miss it? Ballet, I mean."

Natasha tilted her head up to look at him. "Sometimes," she admitted, "why?"

"Just wandering. I've still never seen you dance."

"Maybe one day I'll show you," she said, burying her face into his neck, "you know, when I'm not a whale."

He shouldered her gently, "don't say that."

It was quiet a few moments until Natasha whispered, "how was she?"

He stopped dancing for a moment, but then continued. "She's getting worse, Nat, she doesn't remember as long."

She held him tighter, "I'm sorry, Steve."

"It's fine," Steve started, "it's just- it's scary to think that there was a chance that I could've been with her in that retirement home."

Natasha tensed in his arms. "But," Steve continued, "Peggy always says that she wished that I got to live my life. Peggy lived her life, now I get to live mine." He pulled back to twirl her. When they were face to face again, a small smile tugged on his lips. "And everyday I'm so grateful that I get to live it with you."

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><p><strong>Okay wow, it's been awhile since I updated. But the new Age of Ultron trailer motivated me to write. Anyway, thanks for reading!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

"You never did this the last time I was pregnant," Natasha said as Steve wrapped a blanket around her. The second she woke up, he grabbed all the extra blankets and piled them onto the bed. Steve had been treating her like she was made of glass. She didn't like it. She's pregnant not dying.

He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "you never let me."

"I'm not letting you now," she mumbled under her breath.

He sighed and pulled back to look at her. "Nat, I feel like I'm never home anymore. And this is a way I could help, let me." The leads on Bucky had picked up all over New York, and Steve had been out every night for almost two weeks. He'd stumbled into bed only a few hours before, just before the sun came up.

She didn't look at him, she knew he was going to give her puppy-dog eyes. She stayed quiet until he pressed a small kiss to her shoulder. "Fine." He smiled, and leaned in to kiss her. "But," she said, stopping him, "don't treat me like I'm weak."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said, leaning back in.

"Because I could still kick your ass."

"I know," he said before kissing her.

When they broke apart, she pulled him closer. "How late did you come home last night?"

He shrugged, "four or five maybe."

"Steve-"

"I know," he said, squeezing his eyes shut, "I know." He opened his eyes, and ran his hand through Natasha's hair.

"I'm just worried about you," Natasha said, turning her head into his neck.

"Don't be," Steve said softly.

Natasha propped her chin on his chest to look at him, "I think you should take the night off." Steve opened his mouth to protest but she pressed on. "You need to rest, Steve."

"Alright," he leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

He shifted the conversation to a happier note. "Only a month more and we'll know the gender," Steve said as he placed his hand on her stomach. "I think they're going to be a girl," he stated confidently.

Natasha placed her hand over his, "I feel like they're another boy."

"Wanna bet?"

Natasha raised an eyebrow, "really, Rogers, we're doing this again?" When she was pregnant with James they had a bet on the gender. Natasha ended up winning, and Steve had to lend Coulson his shield.

A small smile played on his features, "scared of losing?"

"No, what should we bet?"

Steve thought for a moment, "winner gets to pick the name."

"Make it middle name, and you've got a deal. If it is a girl I don't want a daughter named something like Mildred."

Steve laughed, "we could've called her Milly."

"God, I hope you're joking."

"Partially."

Natasha sat up to look at the clock, "James should be waking up any minute now."

Steve turned his head to look at the time, "surprised he isn't up already."

"I let him stay up a little later than his bedtime last night." Natasha said as she tucked herself back into Steve's side. "He wanted to stay up until you got home."

Guilt stabbed at him, "I hate never being home."

"You're home now," she said, looking up at him.

Before he could reply, James was pushing open the door. In the blink of an eye he was on the bed, and throwing himself into Steve's arms. "Morning, buddy," Steve said, wrapping his arms around James. "You slept in today."

"Don't get use to it, you're starting school soon," Natasha chimed in.

James groaned and flopped on his back. "You're so dramatic," Natasha said, looking down at him, "just like your dad."

"I'm not dramatic," Steve argued.

"Please, you have a new uniform every five minutes, and you always have some sort of speech about America and freedom ready," Natasha said, rising, "you're dramatic." Steve let out a small laugh, and he didn't argue.

"Can we have pancakes?" James questioned, breaking the silence.

Steve rose, but Natasha put a hand on his chest to stop him. "I'll make them, go back to sleep."

Steve caught James's eye, James was nodding his head no with his eyes wide. Steve chuckled. "I'll make them, I've had enough kitchen fires to last a lifetime."

"Hey, I had it under control," Natasha protested.

"Sure you did."

"Don't sass me."

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><p><strong>AN: This is only half of what I originally planned on posting, but I won't be able to update until next week. So I just wanted to update something <strong>


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